he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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