I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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