I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
