I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize