youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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