is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
