I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
