so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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