We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
