Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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