I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
