She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
