thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
