i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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