i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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