I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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