I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
