U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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