I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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