Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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