i used baking grease as lip gloss
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
