yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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