he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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