He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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