That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
