another moral hangover. fuck.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
