I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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