I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
