So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bring me that man meat
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
