member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
