dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this will be a night to untag.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
