Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
