Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
