it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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