i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
