after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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