it was like his penis was on wheels.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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