my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There was a lot of him and a little penis
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
