Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
