I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
