I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
