I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i came on her dog
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
