Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
