I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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