two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
