I didn't shave. On purpose
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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