Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
