this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
