I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
