My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize