Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
