do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize