then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
