Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
