my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
