Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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