Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
