I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
