somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
