meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
