you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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